Non-Violent Communication (NVC) Process

The 4 parts of Non-Violent Communication

Non-Violent Communication (NVC), developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg, breaks communication down into four simple steps: observing without judging, naming a feeling, connecting it to a need, and making a clear request. The same four steps work in reverse too, as a way of actively listening to someone else. Below is the process broken down, both for expressing yourself and for receiving someone else.

When you are speaking

1. Observations

A concrete, factual observation of what's happening around or inside of you, without judgment or interpretation folded in. Something that could be caught on camera: “When I see/hear...” "When I have the thought that..."

2. Feelings

The emotion or physical sensation that is stirred up in you (not a thought): “I feel...”

3. Needs

The need or value underneath that feeling: “...because I need/value...”

4. Requests

A specific, doable action you're asking for, offered as a request rather than a demand. A strategy/idea to get your need met: “Would you be willing to...?”

When you are listening

1. Observations

What the other person seems to be observing around or inside of them, stated as plain fact rather than filtered through your own read on it: “When you see/hear...”

2. Feelings

The emotion or sensation the other person seems to be experiencing: “Do you feel...”

3. Needs

The need or value underneath what the other person feels: “...because you need/value...”

4. Requests

A specific, doable action the other person is asking for from your or fron another source, as a request rather than a demand, or strategy/idea to get their need met: “Would you like...?”